Herb-stuffed roast leg of pork with crackling, cider gravy and spiced caramelised apples

Roast pork is awesome value for money - it's a lot cheaper than beef or lamb but still very flavoursome, more so than chicken. Some recipes will tell you to trim the skin off, but this is stupid because that way you don't get awesome crispy crackling on the outside. Removing the skin is beneath you; don't do it to the pork, but most importantly, don't do it to yourself. Learn to love yourself and make proper crackling.

I've seen various different methods for making crackling, such as pouring hot water on it the night before, rubbing it with cider vinegar and/or making a human sacrifice to Michael Bolton. I find you get great results doing it via this simple method. A 1kg joint will serve about 4 people.

Ingredients:

• Pork leg joint, boned and rolled with the skin ON DAMN YOU (1 kg).
• Leaves from 3 sage sprigs
• 2 tbsps parsley leaves
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 medium onions
• 1 lemon
• 300ml cider
• 300ml vegetable stock
• Olive oil for drizzling plus 1 tbsp to fry the apples
• 1 knob of butter
• Rock salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Seasonabl vegetables, to serve
• 8 cloves
• 1 cinnamon stick
• 2 Braeburn apples
• About 1 tbsp muscovado sugar
• 1 tsp marmite

Method:

1. Get the pork out about an hour before you want to put it in the oven. Score the fat in a cross-hatched pattern with a very sharp knife (you can use a stanley knife for this) and rub some rock salt into it, making sure you get plenty of crystals into the cracks.
2. Butterfly the pork joint by cutting into the indent so that you can open it out (don't cut right through). Peel and finely chop the garlic cloves and sprinkle them onto the opening, along with the sage and parsley leaves, then grate half the lemon's skin onto it. Tie it back together at regular intervals with string.
3. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.
4. Peel and chop the onions into half-moons and put them in the bottom of a roasting tin. Put the pork on top, covering the onions as much as possible to stop them burning in the oven (it isn't the end of the world if this happens, it just means you won't be able to eat the onions themselves, the gravy will still be fine). Drizzle it with olive oil and pour about half or two thirds of the cider into the bottom of the tin.
5. Roast in the oven for an hour, then whack the heat up to full blast for about 20 minutes to make the skin go crispy. It should be a golden brown colour like in the picture. There's your crackling!
6. To do the apples, core and chop them but don't peel them. Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a pan on a medium heat and add the butter. Add the cloves and the cinnamon stick to the pan for a minute or two until they're fragrant and sizzling, then add the apples. Sprinkle the sugar over them and toss it all around to get an even coating. Cook the apples for about 5 minutes on each side.
7. When the pork is done, transfer it to a carving board and cover it with tin foil to rest for about 10-15 minutes. In the meantime, make the gravy: deglaze the pan, adding a little more cider if necessary, add the stock and marmite and reduce until the thickness and flavour is to your liking. Strain it into a jug, discarding the onions if they're burned or reserving them if they're not.
8. Serve with seasonal vegetables; today I did roast potatoes to accompany it, with a little English mustard on the side. Braised cabbage goes very well with it too.

Baked pork chops with caramelised apples

Don't let me catch you grilling pork chops or I'll have you raped by a herd of gay rhinos! Grilling pork chops makes them go rock hard and crap. Cook them in the oven or on the frying pan, please!

A good quality chop is the most important thing for this recipe - that means going to the butcher's instead of the supermarket! The quality is so much better - you want a nice marbled chop with plenty of fat, which will melt and tenderise the meat while it cooks. This recipe will take no more than half an hour. My brother and I used to eat this on Sundays when I lived in Chelmsford - oh the memories!

Ingredients:

• 4 pork chops on the bone
• 2 Braeburn apples
• 2 large onions
• 4 cloves garlic
• 4 thyme sprigs
• Olive oil, to drizzle
• A knob of butter
• About 2 tbsps muscovado sugar
• 250ml cider (preferably dry)
• Mustard mash, to serve

Method:

1. Get the chops out of the fridge about 15-20 minutes before you want to start cooking so that they can adjust to room temperature. Heat the oven to 210 degrees.
2. Smash and peel the garlic cloves, then peel the onions and slice them into fairly thin half-moon shapes.
3. Using a sharp knife, cut into the rind of each pork chop. Place them on top of the mound of garlic and onion and season with freshly ground black pepper and rock salt, making sure you get plenty of rock salt stuffed into the incisions you made (this will help to make the fat go crispy). Put a thyme sprig on each pork chop, drizzle them with olive oil, pour the cider into the bottom of the tray and put it in the oven; after 5 minutes, turn the heat down to 180 degrees and continue cooking for 15-20 minutes until done (use a rack if necessary to avoid submerging the pork chops!).
4. Meanwhile, heat a little olive oil in a frying pan on a medium heat and add the butter. Chop the apples into slices and core them (but don't bother peeling them). Sprinkle them liberally with muscovado sugar on both sides and fry for about 5 minutes per side until they turn golden brown.
5. When the pork chops are done, put them on a plate and let them rest for 5 minutes. Put the tray on the hob, discard the garlic cloves and herbs, and turn the heat up high. Scrape the tin to deglaze it and add a little water which you reserved from the mashed potatoes (yes I did tell you to do this, you just don't remember! :P). When the juices have reduced and the flavour is suitably concentrated, transfer the contents of the pan to a jug.
6. Serve the pork chops with the onions, mustard mash, and whatever seasonal vegetables you like, with the onion gravy on the side!

Cottage/shepherd's pie

Some people don't know the difference between cottage pie and shepherd's pie. The difference is that cottage pie is made with beef and shepherd's pie is made with lamb - when was the last time you saw a shepherd looking after cows? Try rounding some cows up with a sheep dog and let me know how you get on.

Having said that, the recipes are extremely similar, so if you make it with lamb just substitute lamb/chicken stock instead of beef stock, and make sure you use wine rather than ale.

This serves about 4-6 people and takes about an hour in all I guess.

Ingredients:

• 800g good quality beef mince (this is crucial as this is a very simple recipe; Aberdeen Angus is a good bet if you're in the supermarket)
• 200g tin chopped tomatoes
• 1kg potatoes
• 2 cloves garlic, crushed
• 250ml red wine or good dark ale
• 600ml beef stock
• 2 tbsp chopped parsley, thyme or rosemary leaves according to taste
• 1 tsp English mustard
• 2 large carrots
• 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• A generous sprinkling of mature cheddar
• Two red onions, peeled and diced
• 1tsp English mustard
• Salt and black pepper
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 knob of butter

Method:

1. Peel the potatoes and chop them into roughly golf-ball sized pieces. Put them in a big saucepan and cover with salted water.
2. Heat the olive oil in the saucepan on a medium heat and add the butter. When it's foaming, add the onions and cook for about 15 minutes until they've softened, stirring regularly.
3. Trim and peel the carrots, then chop them into small cubes. Add them to the pan and cook for 5 minutes or until they've softened. If you prefer, you can grate the carrots into the mince at a later stage, which makes for a smoother meat sauce, but personally I like to taste and identify the carrots, and I feel it makes the recipe a bit more rustic and homely.
4. Bring the potatoes to the boil and simmer briskly for about 20 minutes until they're tender. When they're ready, drain them and dry them out in the pan for another minute or so, then take the pan off the heat.
5. Preheat the oven at 210 degrees.
6. Increase the heat to a medium-high heat and add the mince, stirring occasionally. Cook it until it's browned, then drain the excess fat.
7. Make a well in the centre of the meat mixture and add the chopped tomatoes. Keep stirring for a few minutes and add the herbs and Worcestershire sauce. Season to taste.
8. Pour in the wine or ale and reduce by half.
9. Pour in the stock, bring to the boil and simmer briskly until reduce by half.
10. Mash the potatoes when they're ready and add a couple of knobs of butter and a drop of hot milk (add this slowly as you don't want to make your mash too sloppy) and season to taste. Stir a teaspoon of English mustard into the mixture.
11. Put the meat sauce into a large casserole or roasting tin and cover it evenly with the mashed potato, flattening it with a fork. Alternatively, you can do this with a piping bag, but personally I think that's a bit poncey and it's too fiddly for something that makes little difference to the flavour, so I don't bother. Grate a generous helping of mature cheddar over it and put it in the oven for about 15 minutes until the cheese has melted and the mashed potato has gone crispy. If you like, you can also sprinkle a little bit more Worcestershire sauce over the cheese for added tang!

NOTE: The meat sauce is basically the same as the one you would use for moussaka or lasagne, if you fancy trying them, though in those cases I would recommend grating the carrots and perhaps leaving out the stock.

Leek and potato soup

My Mum injured her ankle the other day when she slipped on some ice, so I decided to make her some of her favourite soup. Yes, it's true, soup cures torn ligaments.

This simple but effective soup will serve about 6 people.

Ingredients:

• 1 large baking potato
• 2 medium leeks
• 1 large onion
• 1 litre good vegetable stock (no cubes or granules please!)
• 150ml double cream
• 1 tbsp olive oil and a knob of butter
• Freshly ground salt and black pepper to taste

Method:

1. Heat the olive oil in a large pan on a medium-low heat and add the butter.
2. Peel and dice the onions and fry for about 15 minutes until they've gone transluscent.
3. Peel and chop the potato into small cube-like shapes. Thoroughly wash and chop the leeks. Add them to the pan and fry them for a few minutes until they've softened.
4. Add the vegetable stock, bring to the boil and reduce to a simmer until the potato cubes are tender enough for you to squash them with a spoon.
5. Using a ladle, put batches of the vegetable and stock mixture into a blender and blitz until completely smooth. Put the liquidised batches into a clean saucepan. By doing it this way you can control how thick the soup is by adding no more stock than necessary.
6. Reheat gently and stir in the cream and seasoning.
7. Serve hot with a crusty buttered roll for each person.

Beer-battered haddock with oven chips

You knew it had to happen sooner or later! Because I love to take care of you all, I've avoided traditionally deep-frying anything in this recipe; that's not to say it's a leafy green salad but still, it's a bit healthier, and it tastes great! You could use pollack, haddock, skate or of course cod instead if you wish. Chip shops here generally serve very large portions so feel free to have just half a haddock fillet if you have a smaller appetite! The beer batter is lovely and crispy, while the fish inside is still soft and delicate.

This will serve four people and takes about 45 minutes at the most (including preparation). If you're really pressed for time you could deep-fry the chips, in which case it will take only a few minutes, but I suggest you don't. Bear in mind that supermarket-bought oven chips will take about the same length of time to cook and not taste anywhere near as good. As for supermarket-bought haddock fillets, well, they take about 30 minutes in the oven whereas doing it from scratch takes 4, so don't buy them unless you're trying to punish yourself for some sin committed in a past life.

Ingredients:

• 4 boneless haddock fillets
• 250ml good beer
• 250g plain flour
• About four large potatoes
• Salt and black pepper
• Groundnut oil
• Parsley to garnish
• 1 Lemon

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 210 degrees.
2. Peel the potatoes and chop them into eight evenly sized chips. Put them in a pan of cold water and bring to the boil. Boil for no more than five minutes, then turn off the heat, drain the water and put them back on the ring for a minute to allow the remaining moisture to evaporate (if you have a gas cooker, put the heat on the lowest setting for this as they cool down more quickly).
3. Put the chips into a roasting tin; if any are stuck, carefully dislodge them with a fish slice. Drizzle them generously with groundnut oil and put them in the oven for half an hour.
4. Heat about 4 tbsps groundnut oil in a large frying pan on a medium-high heat. In the meantime, sieve the flour into a bowl and mix in some salt and freshly ground black pepper. Make a well in the centre and pour in the beer, a little at a time. Keep whisking until you have a smooth batter. Coat the haddock fillets in the batter and fry in the pan (skin-side down first) for about 2 minutes on each side; you may have to do this in batches.
5. Serve with a lemon wedge and a generous spoonful of tartare sauce for each person, with malt vinegar, salt and tomato ketchup on the side.

NOTE: Some people like to put breadcrumbs in the batter, along with herbs or even a bit of mustard. Experiment and see what you like!

Tartare sauce

This is a nice accompaniment to fish and chips or fishcakes.

Ingredients:

• 3tbsp finely chopped gherkins
• 3tbsp chopped capers
• 200ml mayonnaise (preferably homemade)

Method:

Mix it all together and refrigerate!

Home-made mayonnaise

Making your own mayonnaise might seem a bit excessive but it's worth it, especially if you eat a fair bit of it, and it's very easy to make. Just ensure you use free range eggs so that you don't get salmonella. If you're very intolerant of salmonella then stay away as it contains raw eggs like all mayonnaise.

This recipe is so simple I'm not going to divide it in the usual way! Put three egg yolks in the bottom of a bowl with a teaspoon of mustard. Whisk thoroughly. Measure out 300ml groundnut oil and SLOWLY (i.e. a trickle - you don't want it to split) pour it in whilst whisking thoroughly. When all the oil is in, mix in a little salt and freshly ground black pepper. Refrigerate the mayonnaise in clean jars for no more than 3 days.

Stay tuned for a recipe using this mayonnaise!