Broccoli Soup with Stilton and Bacon

I've got a bit of man flu going on at the moment, so I thought a nice hearty, healthy bowl of soup would be just what the doctor ordered.  Then I threw a load of cheese and bacon into it.

Vegetable-based soups are incredibly cheap and easy, and they taste so much better than anything you can buy out of a tin.  They're also a good way of introducing children/fussy eaters to vegetables.

Use the freshest broccoli you can get, as that way it compliments the cheese and thus creates a smoother flavour.  Omit the bacon if you're vegetarian, obviously.

Ingredients (to serve four):

• Two large heads of broccoli
• A small knob of butter
• Water
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Two good quality streaky bacon rashers
• Small slice/chunk of Stilton
• Extra-virgin olive oil to drizzle

Method:

1. Chop the florets off the broccoli, making sure none of them are too big (so that they cook evenly) and leave them in a colander to one side.
2. Chop the stalks up into small chunks and fry them in butter in a large saucepan for a few minutes until they've started to turn golden.  Add enough cold water to cover them, put the lid on and simmer for about 30 minutes.  This will make a very simple broccoli stock.
3. For a few minutes towards the end of the stock cooking time, place the colander on top of the saucepan, cover the florets with tin foil and then stick a lid on top.  Let them steam until you can slide a knife right through them.
4. Meanwhile, put your bacon rashers into a cold frying pan and turn the heat up to about medium-hot.  Turn the rashers once and drain them on some kitchen paper to help them go crispy.
5. Strain your stock into a heavy-based saucepan, reintroduce the florets and add your salt and pepper.  You will probably have to dilute the stock a little with boiling water, but add it only a little bit at a time as you (obviously) don't want to make the soup watery.  Using a hand blender, blitz it in between each addition of water and check that it's at a consistency you like; personally, I recommend you leave it on the thick side so that you have a nice concentration of broccoli flavour.  Season to taste.
6. When you serve the soup, crumble a little Stilton and crispy bacon in and give it a drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil to finish.

Heavy Metal Cooking vs Your Takeaway Part 2: Flying Spaghetti Monster

This is one of those recipes that everyone should have in their arsenal, ready to unleash at a moment's notice, like a ninja.

If you want, you can use fresh basil rather than dried for this recipe; if so, rip it up roughly and chuck it in towards the end as it's quite delicate.  Dried is fine, however, and this recipe is predicated on the assumption that you've just got in from work, your boss may have been sexually harassing you, and you just want to throw something together with what's in your cupboard.  Buy good quality spaghetti - it's still pretty cheap and you get a much better flavour and texture for just a few more pence per meal, whereas crap pasta loses its bite and releases all of its starch into the water to make it look like your saucepan has rabies.  I've also used tinned tomatoes as they are the better option for those of us who don't live in the Med.

Although this recipe is very quick and easy (it takes about ten minutes), use it as an opportunity to get the small things right e.g. pan temperature control and seasoning.  If you want to elaborate on this recipe, try adding chilli, capers and/or anchovy fillets.

Ingredients (to serve one):

• 100g good quality dried spaghetti
• 10g salt
• 1 litre water (1 litre of water per 100g pasta is the proper ratio)
• Half a red onion
• Half a tin of Italian chopped tomatoes
• 1 garlic clove
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tsp dried basil or oregano
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• Freshly grated Parmesan, to serve

Method:

1. Get your pan up to a medium heat and put the water on to boil in a separate saucepan  (well, duh) with a bit of salt.
2. Finely dice your onion.  Add the oil to the pan and gently saute the onions until they're soft and starting to go transluscent.
3. At this point the water will probably be at a rolling boil, so chuck in your spaghetti so that it's all submerged and doesn't stick.  Bring it back up to the boil for six minutes (no, I don't care what your packet instructions say).
4. The onions are probably done by now, so throw in the garlic, herbs and seasoning.  When it's fragrant, throw in the tomatoes and ramp up the heat.  Break the tomatoes up so that your sauce doesn't go too lumpy.
5. When the spaghetti is done, add a little splash of the water to the sauce to help loosen it up a bit, drain it, then add it to the pan and stir it in well for about two minutes, making sure you get a nice coat of sauce all over.
6. Serve with freshly grated Parmesan.

Rime of the Ancient Marinated Anchovies

Here's a quick little recipe that I like to use for pizza toppings. I've been making my own pizza a lot recently and discovered this quick, simple trick for making anchovies that little bit more interesting. All you need are the following:

1. Tin of anchovies or, if you can get them, high quality fillets of anchovies
2. Juice of half a lemon
3. Olive oil
4. Chilli peppers of choice (I used a scotch bonnet, for added attitude)
5. Salt, pepper, sugar

Squeeze half the lemon into a small bowl, and make up the rest of the marinate with 2-3 times as much olive oil. Mix it well till it forms an emulsion. A small whisk does wonders here. Then, chop your chilli pepper. For my scotch bonnet, I diced it. If you're using a regular green chilli or red chilli then just slice it so that it keeps it's cross-section shape (purely for aesthetic). 

Then, place the anchovies and chilli into the marinade and add a generous pinch of sugar, then grind in pepper and salt if required. Then, just leave it till it's ready. The longer you leave it, the more the flavours will infuse and the hotter and spicier it'll taste.

Then, you can add the chillis and anchovies onto your pizza, draining off any excess liquid before adding it to the topping. 

The leftover marinade can then be used to drizzle the pizza if you like, or you can use it as a spicy salad dressing, or as a dip. It taste so good that it's a waste to throw it away. Have an experiment and you'll be able to find something to use it with. 

Pastries of Death Part 4: Because vegetarian food is always healthy

Get some more cushion for the pushin' with this leek, potato and cheese pie recipe!

I recently had a pie party at my flat.  I did the steak and Guinness pie from before (see http://heavymetalcooking.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/pastries-of-death-part-3-eipnekcufesin.html) but I thought a vegetarian option was in order, so I came out with this one.  It's hard to find a vegetarian recipe that doesn't involve a metric ton of cream, cheese and carbs, and who am I to buck the trend?

Ingredients:

• 800g shortcrust pastry (see how to make it here:  http://heavymetalcooking.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/pastries-of-death-part-1-making-basic.html)
• 1.5kg Maris Piper potatoes
• 2 x large leeks
• Pint of double cream (hell yeah I use Imperial measurements)
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Couple of knobs of butter
• Mature cheddar, to grate according to taste

Method:

1. Preheat your oven to 180 degrees.  Roll out your pastry until it's the thickness of a pound coin, then carefully drape it over a lined baking tin, make it fit, and cut off the excess.  Prick the base with a fork to stop it from rising into a load of bubbles and blind bake it for about 25 minutes, then remove it from the oven.  Leave the oven on for later.
2. Get some salted water on the boil.  Peel your potatoes and cut them into thin slices - you want them to be about half a centimetre thick.
3. Cut the offending ends off your leeks and slice them lengthways.  Wipe any dirt out of them under cold running water, then chop them into little half moons.
4. Gently fry your leeks in butter and give them a bit of seasoning.
5. Blanch your potato slices in the water for about three minutes.
6. Layer your potatoes and leeks in the pie according to the cutting-edge diagram below.  Season well in between each layer.
7. Pour in the cream and grate a buttload of cheese all over the top, then bake it in the oven for about 45 minutes until it's golden brown.

Polenta Double-Team Action Part 2 - Steaky Steak Steak

Oh man I love the steak.

In this second instalment of our series on the wonderful things you can do with polenta, we'll be looking at what you can do with the leftovers from the previous recipe.  Formed into a cake and fried like bubble and squeak, it develops an awesome coating, making it crispy on the outside and smooth and creamy on the inside (like an armadillo).  Serve it with some seared cow and it's business time.

Ingredients (to serve one):

• 1 x well hung rump steak
• Handful of cooked polenta with parmesan from the previous recipe
• Handful of fresh leafy green veg, like kale
• 1 x clove of garlic
• 2 x rosemary sprigs
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Drizzle of olive oil
• Few knobs of butter
• Splash of red wine to deglaze

Method:

1. Get your meat out of the fridge at least half an hour in advance to allow it to adjust to room temperature.
2. Heat a frying pan up - you want it REALLY hot - and get your other ingredients ready to go.  That means smashing the garlic clove, forming a nice flat hockey-puck type shape with your polenta and smashing the garlic clove with your palm heel.
3. Heat another frying pan up on more of a medium heat and cook your polenta in olive oil or butter for a few minutes on each side until it's crispy.
4. Season the steak on one side with salt and a liberal amount of black pepper - beef and pepper are best friends, like Kerry Katona and every plumber in Cheshire.
5. When the pan is up to heat, drizzle a bit of olive oil in - don't worry about smoke, smoke is good (forget what they told you at school).  Assuming your steak is about 1 inch thick (that's not a euphemism), sear the steak on the seasoned side for 1 and 1/2-2 minutes for rare meat (go on my son!), 3 for medium rare (eh... ok) and 4 for well done (hang your head in shame).  DO NOT TOUCH THE STEAK UNTIL THIS PART IS FINISHED.
6. When that side is cooked to your liking, season the other side, flip the steak and cook the other side for the same amount of time.  Chuck the butter, garlic and rosemary into the pan too.  When it's done, baste it and remove the steak to a warm plate.
7. Deglaze the pan with the red wine, pour the jus all over the steak and serve with the polenta and some steamed veg of some sort!

Polenta Double-Team Action Part 1 - Tony Soprano Sausages

Welcome to the first of a two-part mini-series showcasing the versatility of polenta.  It's a form of ground cornmeal that's popular in the North of Italy but not quite so well-known over here (yet).  It's one of those staples you can have stashed in your store cupboard along with your pasta, rice and potatoes.  The texture is like creamy mashed potato, though it tastes very different.  In this case, I've used it as an alternative to the latter.

This is the kind of dish I can imagine Tony Soprano sitting down to after a hard day's work.  And by work, I mean shooting people in the kneecaps for money they owe him.

Ingredients to feed four fat Mafiosi:

• 300g polenta
• 12 good quality garlicky sausages
• 2 medium onions
• 1 tbsp tomato puree
• Generous drizzle of Worcestershire sauce (I do love precise measurements)
• 4 garlic cloves
• A few sprigs of thyme tied together
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 large carrot
• 1 stick of celery
• 50g butter
• 25g Parmesan
• 250ml Chianti
• 2 tbsps olive oil
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method:

1. Heat up a large frying pan.  Peel your onions into half moons and leave them to one side for now.  Finely dice the celery, then peel and finely chop the garlic cloves.
2. Add some oil to the pan and sear your sausages on all sides on a high heat.  Remove them to a plate.
3. Reduce the heat, then chuck in your onions with a knob of butter and the sugar.  Season with a bit of salt and black pepper.
4. When the onions have caramelised nicely, turn the heat back up and add your celery and garlic and grate the carrot in.  When the garlic is fragrant, add the tomato puree, letting it cook in the centre of the pan for a bit to take the edge off it.  Stir it all together, then deglaze the pan with the wine.
5. When the wine has reduced by about half, add your tomatoes, bay leaves and thyme and throw the sausages back in.  Simmer for at least half an hour until the sausages are cooked.
6. Get a measuring jug and measure out one part polenta to four parts cold water.  Bring it to the boil in a saucepan and then reduce it to a simmer.  Stir it frequently for at least half an hour, making sure you give it a good scrape on the bottom of the pan.  When it's finished, add the remaining butter and grate in the parmesan.
7. Do a cool Masterchef swipe with the polenta and arrange the sausages on top like the picture says.  Serve with a bottle of Chianti and two Russian prostitutes.

Unholy Mackerel with Fennel, Apple and Walnut Salad

I love it when a plan comes together!

Since it's been a while since we put a new recipe on here and it's a (relatively) warm time of year, I thought I'd come up with a seafood dish using the underused but cheap, sustainable and delicious mackerel - no, it's not just for cat food.  The walnuts, apple and fennel compliment the meaty flavour of the mackerel with their respective saltiness, tartness and aniseediness (I just invented that word), and the vinaigrette binds it all together on the pallet.

Ingredients (for one):

• 2 mackerel fillets, pin-boned
• Half a fennel bulb
• Half a braeburn apple
• Small handful of walnuts
• About 1 tbsp olive oil, for frying
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Handful of parsley leaves
• For the vinaigrette: 1 dsp cider vinegar, 3 dsp extra-virgin olive oil, salt, 1 tsp English mustard and 1 tsp honey

Method:

1. Put the vinaigrette ingredients in a bowl and whisk until they emulsify.  Check you're happy with the seasoning and then refrigerate.  This makes a bit more than you strictly need for this recipe, but it makes more sense to make this in bigger quantities and you can always use it for other salads.  It also means you can have a ready-made supply in the fridge ready for action at a moment's notice, like Chuck Norris.
2. Get a pan nice and hot.  While you're waiting, pin bone the mackerel fillets using tweezers and slice the fennel into julienne strips (matchsticks to you or me).
3. When the pan is hot, make a few very small incisions on top of the mackerel skin and season, then pour some oil in the pan and put them in skin side down.  If they don't sizzle vigorously on contact then the pan is not hot enough - take them out and wait.  Once the fillets are cooking, leave them alone and don't touch them until you can see that almost all the flesh has turned white, which should take a few minutes.
4. While the mackerel is cooking, cut the apple into julienne strips.  The reason I recommend doing that at this stage is that apple can start turning brown if it hangs around for too long.  Chop up some fresh parsley and toss all the salad ingredients together with some of the vinaigrette.
5. Get a hot plate ready with the salad on as a base.  As soon as you can see that the mackerel is almost cooked, flip it, take it off the heat and place each fillet on the salad - fish isn't hard to cook, but it will be very unforgiving if you overcook it.
6. Serve immediately with a glass of crisp, dry white wine or cider.