Valleys of Death

The picture you can't see to your right is of bara brith, a Welsh tea cake/bread for eating with tea.

Bara brith literally means "speckled bread" in reference to the little speckles of dried fruit in the dough. I actually couldn't find many recipes for this online - it seems to be an old traditional thing that's gone out of fashion in recent years. Still, I made it and everyone approved. It's one of those British recipes that utilises our imperial heritage, with all the fruit and mild spices used.

There are, apparently, two types of bara brith. The first, which I suspect to have been the original, is basically normal bread with fruit in it, whereas this type here is more like a cake. The key element is soaking the fruit in the tea the night before. Feel free to use whatever dried fruit you like though, this is just what I made with what I had to hand. This is one of the few recipes in which I will tolerate the presence of raisins.

Ingredients:

• 100g cherries
• 100g sultanas
• 100g currants
• 100g raisins
• 2-3 tbsps orange marmalade (don't be a wimp, use the stuff with the shred in)
• 1 beaten egg
• Pinch of salt
• 450g self-raising flour, sieved
  
• 2 tbsps ground ginger
• 1 tbsp tsp ground cinnamon
• 6 tbsps soft brown sugar
  
• A bit of freshly grated nutmeg
• Honey to drizzle
• 500ml black tea

Method:

1. The night before you want to make the bara brith, brew the tea - you'll need two teabags and 500ml water. Soak the dried fruit in it. When it's cooled down, cover it and put it in the fridge overnight.
2. The next day, turn the oven on at 170 degrees and strain the dried fruit into a jug and reserve the leftover tea. Mix the fruit in with the spices.
   
3. Mix the other dry ingredients together, then fold in the beaten egg, the marmalade and the fruit. If the mixture is too gloopy, add more flour, but if it's too dry and it's not sticking together properly use a little bit of the tea.
4. Put the dough mixture into a lined bread tin - this isn't essential but it gives you a nice loaf shape. Then stick it in the oven for an hour and three quarters (it takes a fair old while but it's worth it - go and watch porn in the meantime or something).
5. You can check that it's done using a sharp knife or skewer. Stab it in the centre - if your knife/skewer is clean when you take it out, it's ready. Drizzle it with honey, leave it to rest in the tin for five minutes, then let it cool on a rack.
6. Serve buttered slices with a cup of tea. It's best eaten warm but it will keep and it's nice cold as well.
   

Tuna Minutes to Midnight (served on a bed)

(Yes, that is served on an actual bed....)

Hello! I'm Adam, fellow guitarist of JHD! Tim has kindly invited me onto his blog to post some recipes of my own. I'm going to start here with a lovely fancy but quick fish and chips, but not as you'd know if from the chippy. I used Tuna steak from Waitrose, but feel free to use better quality meat from your local fishmongers if you wish (I'd say Waitrose tuna is probably perfectly decent - Tim).

Ingredients:

I shaln't list quantities, because it depends how much you want, and the seasoning is always to taste

• Good Tuna Steak
• Potatoes
• Asparagus
• Kale
• Herbs of your choice
• Chilli flakes
• Salt & Pepper

For the chips:

1. Cut the potatoes into any shape you wish; wedges, chips, or amorphus chunks like me (I couldn't work out how to do chip shapes. Fail.)

2. Parboil for a few minutes until they start to go soft. Once you've done this, stop the cooking by running some cold water over them. Bash them about in your saucepan to make the edges all fluffy.

3. In a bowl, combine the chips with olive oil, salt, pepper, and herbs of your choice (I used Oregano, Rosemary, Thyme) and some chilli flakes.

4. Oven bake for about 20 minutes at 220 Degrees.

For the Tuna.

1. Just fry it in olive oil for a minute or so each side, depending on how well cooked you want it.

Then serve both on a plate with a side of steamed asparagus and kale. Drizzle over one last splash of olive oil and a sprinkling of sea salt to taste.

Yummy.

Pastries of Death Part 2: Necrotarine Tart

I think this might be the first pudding I've done for the blog!

The pastry from Pastries of Death Part 1 can be used for a variety of different pie and tart recipes. This is a very simple but delicious pudding that I made using some nectarines my mum bought. You could also use other fruit - experiment. The obvious choice would be peaches but apples would also be awesome. I used three nectarines for this recipe but ideally you want four so that it's generously filled.

Ingredients:

• 225g Shortcrust Pastry of Death (see below)
• 4 x nectarines
• 2-3 x tbsps brown sugar
• 1 x tbsp semolina (optional)

Method:

1. Stick the oven on at 180 degrees.
2. Roll your pastry out quite thinly on a clean, well floured surface - if there's a hole, plug it (that's what she said - wahey!) with some more pastry ripped from the outside and roll it flat again. The end goal is to make a nice thin, crispy pastry to complement the soft fruit.
3. Grease a sandwich tin (if you're not English, I mean a round cake tin) with vegetable oil and line it with baking parchment. Carefully lower the pastry into the tin, making sure it goes all the way up to the corners. Cut off the excess dangling over to make a nice neat, even crust - I didn't do this because I misjudged the amount of pastry I needed, if you're wondering about the photo. Prick the bottom of the pastry with a knife. Add another layer of baking parchment on top and fill it with pearl barley or rice, then stick it in the oven for about half an hour - the idea is that the pearl barley/rice weighs the pastry down and stops it from rising. When it's done, the pastry should be firm throughout - if not, put it back in the oven for a bit longer. Discard the top layer of baking parchment and the pearl barley/rice when it's done. This is called "baking blind".
   
4. Meanwhile, get to work on the filling. Start by coring the nectarines. To do this, take a nectarine, slice around the outside using a sharp knife, then twist it to separate the halves. Scoop out the stone with your fingers, or a teaspoon. Next, cut the peach halves in half and then in half again so that you've got little wedges.
5. Sprinkle the semolina on the bottom of the pastry and arrange your nectarine halves in a manly pattern on top. Sprinkle them with brown sugar and put the tart in the oven for about 25 minutes until the nectarines have caramelised.
6. Serve with a nice blob of ice cream.
   

FOR TEH MOTHERLAND!!!?!?!!11ONEONE

Many of us have had beetroot in tins. You may be surprised to hear that it is an actual vegetable that grows in the ground. Unlike us, the Russians actually have a nice traditional recipe to make use of it. Well, I say it's Russian, but it's originally Ukrainian. However, Ukrainians apparently like to put cabbage in as well as beetroot, so I've gone for the Russian version here. Some people like to make it with beef stock or even with bits of beef in it, and while I'm sure that's great, my only guinea pig for these recipes at the moment is my mum, who's vegetarian. So vegetable borsch it is!

Make sure you use the best stock you can for this as it will make all the difference to this nice simple soup. As an aside, I recommend keeping hold of vegetable trimmings and peelings and putting them in a bag in the freezer - that way you can make a nice vegetable stock for free. Using organic vegetables will really help here too as the flavour is just awesome.

Ingredients:

• 5 x beetroot
• 1 x large onion or an equivalent amount of spring onions
  
• About 600ml (I guess?) vegetable stock
• 1 x thyme sprig
  
• 1 x large potato
• 5 x organic carrots
• 2 x tbsps olive oil
• 2 x tbsp red wine vinegar
• 5 x Kirov airships
  
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
  
• Sour cream, to serve

Method:

1. Heat the olive oil to a medium heat.
   
2. Peel the beetroot and slice it thinly - be warned, your hands will turn purple. Peel the potatoes and carrots and cut them into chunks. Peel and dice the onion.
   
3. Gently soften the onion in the pan for a few minutes with the thyme sprig and add salt and pepper, then add your veg. Fry them gently for about 15 minutes, then add enough stock to cover the vegetables. Bring it to the boil, then simmer it gently (this is a very gentle recipe) for about 30 minutes until the vegetables are tender and the soup of purply goodness tastes right to you. Correct the seasoning if necessary and discard the thyme sprig. Use the Kirovs to take out the allied construction yard.
   
4. You can liquidise the soup if you like but I like tasting and identifying the actual vegetables, particularly when I'm using nice organic veg. Serve it with a drizzle of sour cream, Russian stylee, and a slice of crusty bread on the side.

Finally, just a quick thanks to Sarah Green, who kindly gave me the carrots and beetroot for this recipe at a discounted rate at the Burnham-on-Crouch farmer's market. Sarah grows all kinds of seasonal organic vegetables on her farm in Tillingham, Essex. You can buy her stuff at farmer's markets, and at Lathcoat's Farm Shop in Chelmsford. If you live in the local area you can even order a box of fruit and veg online and it will be delivered to your door. See http://www.sarahgreensorganics.co.uk for more details!

Pastries of Death Part 1: making basic shortcrust pastry

Welcome to part 1 of Pastries of Death. It's like Delia Smith with double bass pedalling.

There's nothing wrong with pre-made pastry, but it's very cheap and easy to make fresh stuff yourself and I find it quite satisfying to make my own pies or tarts.

For your basic shortcrust pastry you want a ratio of half fat to flour. If you're making a tart with an average sized sandwich tin, I'd recommend using 150g plain flour and 75g butter, as this will give you slightly more than enough, thus enabling a nice even case.

Now, you can make pastry in a food processor, but the method I'm going to describe here is for making it by hand, i.e. the rubbing in method. If, after reading this, you really need me to explain how to do this in a food processor, you're probably an idiot.

First, get your butter out of the fridge so that it can soften. When you've done this, sieve the flour into a mixing bowl, sprinkle a little salt in and add the butter in small lumps and rub it together using your fingertips, like I'm doing in this sexy pic; raise your hands up as you do it as this will help to create a nice light, airy pastry. You can stop when the mixture looks like breadcrumbs. Add JUST enough cold water, a little sprinkle at a time, to allow you to turn the mixture into a dough that sticks together - it should still feel fairly dry to the touch. If it gets a bit gooey add flour. Then wrap it in cling film and put it in the fridge for at least half an hour. Alternatively, you can freeze it.

The Daddy

The great philosopher Lee Evans once pointed out the sheer stupidity of the bovine race - they're black and white, but they stand in a green field. They deserve death.

If you want to roast beef (who doesn't?) then choosing a good quality cut is very important. The cut in the picture is a rib, which I used for this recipe, but other good roasting cuts include sirloin and topside. Good quality beef is a bit darker than what you see on supermarket shelves due to the aging process. Also, note the extensive fat running through the beef - this will baste the flesh as it cooks, making it juicy and delicious. The best beef is hung for 28 days to intensify the flavour, and as far as I know you can only get this in the UK. Finally, I recommend keeping it on the bone if you can as the bone conducts heat and adds flavour.

A two-rib "chine" like the one in this picture will easily feed at least four people with enough left for extra helpings. The onion halves caramelise during the cooking process and flavour the gravy nicely, but they retain their shape and avoid burning, so you can have them as a nice accompaniment to the beef.

Ingredients:

• 1 x two-rib chine of beef
• Rock salt and cracked black pepper
• 1/2 pint Newcastle Brown Ale
  
• 2 tbsps English mustard or mustard powder
  
• 2 tbsps vegetable oil or beef dripping
• Splash of Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tbsps plain flour
  
• 2 red onions, halved and peeled
• 600ml good quality beef stock
  
• Handful of rosemary sprigs
• 1 x bulb of garlic, chopped in half
  

Method:

1. Get your beef out of the fridge about an hour before you want to roast it. Preheat the oven to 240 degrees.
2. Rub your beef with the mustard, salt and black pepper. Use plenty of pepper.
   
3. Put a roasting tin on the hob and turn up the heat. Add the oil, and when it's really hot (i.e. smoking) put the beef in, skin side down. Sear for about 2 minutes on each side until nicely browned, then remove to a plate.
4. Put the rosemary, garlic and onions in the roasting tin and put the beef on top of them, then put it in the oven. After 20 minutes, reduce the heat to 190 degrees and continue roasting for 15 minutes per pound (yes I said pound) for medium rare beef. If you don't like it medium rare I would suggest roasting it for 12 minutes per pound for rare or 18 for well done. You can check how rare is it by piercing it with a skewer. Baste the beef twice during cooking.
5. When the beef is done, return the tin to the hob. Remove the beef and the onions to a plate and cover with foil while you make the gravy; this will let the meat relax and redistribute the juices.
6. Turn the heat on high underneath the roasting tin. Using a whisk, stir in the flour and deglaze the pan with the ale. When the ale has reduced by half add the Worcestershire sauce, any extra juices that have leaked out of the beef while it's been resting and the beef stock. Boil until reduced to a thickness you like. Strain the gravy into a jug (or, if you're posh, a gravy boat).
7. Carve the beef and serve on warm plates with the onions and roasted or mashed potatoes and Yorkshire puddings. As it was quite hot on the day I did this beef I fried some mashed potato fritters with rosemary, mustard and creamed horseradish as a lighter accompaniment.
   

Ov Mince and Hellfire

I was getting a bit bored with my usual pictures of the finished dish sitting on my kitchen worktop, so I thought I'd take a photo of my chill con carne mid-cooking to really push back the boundaries. Also it lends some credence to the idea that I do actually cook these meals.

Good quality minced beef is one of those cheap and cheerful superingredients that can be used to make delicious and easy recipes. Although one or two ingredients will be different, the basic method of cooking mince is the same whether you're doing moussaka, cottage pie, bolognaise sauce or chilli. I recommend using normal (as opposed to steak) mince as the extra fat will add flavour to the sauce.

NOTE: some of the ingredients of this chilli are not uber-traditional, however I do think they work well.

Ingredients to serve four:

• 500g beef mince
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
  
• 2 x red onions, diced
  
• 2 x large garlic cloves, smashed and peeled
• 1 x star anise
  
• 1-2 tbsps dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin (preferably freshly ground toasted seeds)
  
• 1/2 tsp chilli powder
• 2 x red chillis, finely chopped
  
• 600ml beef stock (you probably won't need all of it but I'm not sure of the exact amount)
• 2 x tbsps olive oil
• 1 x tbsp red wine vinegar
• 2 x tbsps tomato puree
  
• 1 x tsp sugar
  
• 1 x 400g tin of kidney beans (or butter beans if you prefer)
  
• 1 x 400g tin of Italian chopped tomatoes

Method:

1. Heat a wide frying pan on a high heat and add the oil. It should be smoking hot as you really want to sear the mince.
2. Season the mince well - be liberal with the pepper as it's excellent with beef. Chuck it in the pan and let it fry vigorously for about 2 minutes until it's brown. Spread it out well across the pan, and if you're cooking the amount in this recipe I strongly recommend you do it in at least 2 batches. If you crowd the pan, it will reduce the temperature of the oil and the mince will boil rather than sear. And if this happens, you will see the juices leak out of the mince, resulting in horrible dry meat. A little bit of charring is better than boiling, but add a little more oil if you think it's going to burn. When your mince is browned, remove the mince to a plate and return the pan to the heat.
3. Turn the heat down a little as the ingredients at this stage burn easily. Add your whole garlic cloves, star anise, onions and chopped chillis to the pan. If you like it really hot leave the chilli seeds in. Stir the pan to prevent burning. When the onions are transluscent, add the cumin and chilli powder and stir for about 10 seconds until it's fragrant.
4. Create a "well" in the centre of the pan and add the tomato puree. This will help to get rid of some of its tartness. Next, add the beef back in, along with the kidney beans and oregano. Stir it all together and deglaze the pan with a drop of red wine vinegar.
5. Stir in the chopped tomatoes and simmer for about 10 minutes until the tomatoes have started to melt, add the sugar to offset the acidity of the red wine vinegar and then add enough beef stock to almost cover the meat. Bring it to the boil and then cover and simmer it gently for about an hour and a half, stirring occasionally, until the sauce has thickened into a smooth paste.
   
6. Serve with freshly steamed basmati or long grain rice.